Window to the Soul

It hurts to smile now.

That’s the hardest thing to deal with, really - not being able to smile.

I want to be a little kid again.

Everything was simpler when my world was imaginary.

I have depression and it’s gone untreated for the last four, almost five, years. Today, I snapped and cut myself for the first time in a very long time. I’m losing my mind and I don’t know what to do. My parents think I’m a drama queen, that I’m lying about how I feel. I’m scared and the only place I can be honest is online. My life is one great big blank - I don’t remember anything. Anything before this morning is gone, and today is a bit fuzzy already. I try to remember things, things I’ve done, I know I’ve done, but all I get is a flash and then it’s gone. I don’t know what to do.  

My brain is refusing to work for me. I am halfway through a Photoshop design - it’s kind of water, life, spiralling out of control … but it needs something MORE. I just don’t know what.